Parenting on Purpose

The almost 4-year-old stamped his feet and pouted; his face scrunched up in deep agony. And it seemed that nothing we said would do. K was headed towards a full-blown tantrum and we dreaded to think how long it would take to calm him down. It was at that moment that our almost 9-year-old chose to ask the question, "K, a re you crying because you don't want to leave us?" The little boy stopped his pouting, as he nodded and sobbed. It was a heart-wrenching flow of tears as he clung onto Mummy with koala-like tenacity. Sue later described it as a "desperate pleading look". K would repeat his sobbing and his hugging over the next few days. And as he articulated to us after he was calm, it was a desperate plea for help.  "I don't want to leave Mummy and Daddy.  I want to stay here.   " Taken at the River Safari on one of the last days before K's departure. "Take a photo of me with the turtles, Mummy!" he kept asking, at each turtle exhibit...

The 3/1/2-year-old sauntered confidently to me, a new T-shirt and shorts in his hands. "Daddy," he said, "Look. Correct side." I glanced at the print and design on the front of his shirt, one he had chosen for himself from his chest of drawers. "Yes K," I said with a smile. "It's the correct side. Good job!" Then I patted him on his shoulder and beamed at him. "Well done. I'm glad you now know how to wear your shirt the right way round." And the little boy's face broke out into a brilliant smile as he nodded his head sagely. He then picked up his dirty clothes, and made his way to the laundry basket, dumping the clothes in them as he merrily made his way out of the room. It's been 15 months since little K joined our family. Life has been a bumpy ride, but there are moments of joy. I never believed this day would arrive. Just a few weeks back our foster kid was happily wearing everything the wrong way round - shirt, short...

Our little Christmas tree was finally set up just the day before Christmas Eve. It was not our usual tree, decked tall and pretty with the ornaments we have collected over the years from countries near and far. We had instead opted for a smaller version, given that the circumstances this year were very different, and that we had just come back from a 10-day road trip to Kuala Lumpur and Cameron Highlands in Malaysia. And, we also had two extra guests this year, toddler boys who had come to stay with us for the season. We decided that a small tree would suffice this year. And we would surprise the two foster kids who were returning from respite care on the same day. It would be an opportunity for them to experience a lovely Christmas with us. Our dear little Christmas tree; a symbol of resilience in the midst of uncertainty. Or at least that was what we had planned. Christmas morning. We usually start the day with a Christmas Breakfast Hash, made up using leftovers from Sue...

Hush now baby, don't say a word Daddy's gonna buy you a mockingbird And if that mockingbird won't sing Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring These are the words of a lullaby that I have been singing to the little girl who has become our foster child. It's been almost three months since little R came into our lives. As I shared in my previous post , it has not been easy to foster a child; and now, more than three months into the fostering journey, we have realised that things are a lot more difficult and complicated than what we had expected it to be... What keeps a family together? It's lots of love and time spent together. An attempt to understand each other and to love them "just as they are". There are many reasons why children enter the foster care system. Their birth parents could be abusers of drugs, or become incarcerated for a variety of reasons, and therefore not be in a position to care for them. They could be victims of abuse, and...

Fostering challenges traditional notions of what a family is and what a family should be. At the end of the day, what is your idea of "family"? The younger child seemed a little troubled during bedtime. "Mummy..." he said. "Yes Darling," replied Mummy. "It will be very sad when R has to go home to the tummy mummy and daddy one day."  "Yes, Darling. It will be very sad." "But it's all up to God, right?" "Yes it is. You know that R's tummy mummy and daddy can't take care of any child right now? That's why R is with us." "Yes I know. R is with us just for awhile. Not like Kor Kor and I. The four of us are a forever family." "Yes we are. So how will you feel when R goes back to the tummy mummy and daddy?" "It will be sad, but it will be all right." The older child, who was a silent participant in the conversation, decided to speak at th...

Every muscle in my body protested. Every inner voice in my being screamed from the recesses within. "Don't do it!" they yelled.   "You will make a fool of yourself!" they taunted. "Why are you so stupid? Why do you want to prove to the whole world how stupid you are?" "You know that you are a colossal failure. Now you want everyone in the world to see what a loser you are?" It was deafening deep within. But I did what I could to ignore the deep shame and hurt that I felt from within. The voices of shame can be deafening even in the presence of an external quietness. "The next event will be the Parents' Race. Will  Mark Lim please proceed to the reporting area?" This was it. There would be no turning back now.  So I dragged myself to the starting line, and mingled with the other homeschool dads who all looked eager to race. "I haven't done any running since I was in National Service," I remark...