Parenting on Purpose

A Tale on Motivation by Mark Lim. The horsemen were relentless in their pursuit. Fast and furious, they punished the educators with unbridled fury. These teachers, experts in their own right, seemed powerless to halt the onslaught. Yet they knew that if they allowed themselves to be beaten by the horsemen, that they would soon be relegated to the realms of educational oblivion, no doubt the primary objective of the motivational apocalypse. What are the obstacles that our children face? How can we help them to be overcomers? So the educators were determined to better understand their attackers, with the intention of identifying weaknesses and defeating them. They highlighted the following attributes in their attackers: No Benefit Overwhelming Contexts Protecting the Ego Energy Outweighs Success The first horseman operates on the principle that there is No Benefit to the work we do; and that short term benefits trump long-term growth. To counter this attacker, the educa...

These past couple of weeks have been crazy for us. First there were the assignments that I had to complete for my postgraduate course, then there were the workshops that we were suddenly asked to conduct, and finally there were the bazaars that we attended to sell our online store items. It was an extremely busy season, and many of our working hours were occupied with meaningful things; that included taking care of our two little boys and managing both their learning and non-academic needs. One morning,  my older son came to me after I had just returned home from an  early class.  "Daddy," he said. "I'm so glad you're home. Can we go to the Gardens by the Bay?" he asked hopefully.  With a sadness in my heart, I replied, "Sorry Z. Daddy has to go back to work later. Maybe after I come back? Oh. Actually Daddy and Mummy have an important meeting tomorrow and we need to prepare. I don't think we can go today. Er.... How about another day?" ...

It's not often that the Father of the Bride gets to speak at a wedding. Oftentimes, the only words are in response to the question, "Who presents this woman to be married to this man?" In that instance, it is normally a mild-mannered man, one who shuns the attention of the moment, who barely manages to whisper out the refrain, "I do."  A precious photo of a very special couple.  This was completely not what happened at a wedding I was at almost three weeks ago. In response to that question, the Father of the Bride seemed to have an entire speech prepared for the Groom, "I present to you the key to my daughter's heart, " he declared. "I have protected her heart all her life until this point, and now I am handing over this responsibility to you." And with a firm voice, he presented this solemn reminder: "Remember that you will not be able to do this on your own, but only with God's help, and by spending time with Him daily....

One of my main quests on my journey of motherhood is figuring out a way to reach the hearts of my boys. Mark and I believe that winning their hearts is the only way to ensure that we will be their first line of defence as they get older and face a world which is confusing yet alluring; we pray that we will always be one of the first voices they seek in the midst of relativism and blurred points of view. As Christians, we believe that knowing their hearts will pave the way for them to know the most important heart of all, their heavenly Father's heart. I have been pondering a great deal about the centrality of relationships in parenting, largely due to our very feisty 3-year-old who has been a completely different kettle of fish to parent as compared with his big Kor Kor. Our spirited one who does everything with thrice the amount of energy and enthusiasm as the rest of us; whose emotions are as fickle as the weather in England; whose main struggle at the moment is...

Pixar's latest animated film Inside Out  has taken the world by storm. The movie, about five tiny emotions that live inside a person's head, has swept box offices across the world with its portrayal of how the human psyche is controlled by the interplay of five emotions, and how these emotions control how people act in the real world. As a counsellor, I was drawn by the interesting premise of the movie; so I took Sue to watch it on her birthday, as part of her getaway day in Johor Bahru, Malaysia. To our horror, the characters started speaking in Cantonese... and there were no subtitles! So that was how we had the most romantic experience of watching our first Cantonese movie together... (For the curious and uninitiated, you can view the Cantonese trailer here . Do also note that the post contains spoilers for those who have yet to watch the movie! ) Official Poster of Inside Out . Photo credits: http://pixartimes.com/ Language notwithstanding, both of us enjoyed the mo...

Upon returning from our short trip to Malacca last weekend, we were most happy to find our copy of The Adventures of Squirky the Alien #3 in our mail box, with a personally autographed note from Aunty Melanie to our two boys.  Melanie's son C is a good friend of Z and E, and they were once again thrilled to find her picture on the back cover. "Aunty Melanie wrote this?" Z asked in awe. He then proceeded to tell me that he wished that I would write a book for them too - "One on zebras for me, and one on giraffes for E, okay?" Fast forward a week, and we have read Squirky #3 for a total of five consecutive nights. When I suggest another bedtime story for variation, Z says, "But Mummy, it's so scary and exciting!"  Z thinks that the Red Commander looks really fierce and scary on the cover! It is indeed - this third book in the series has the elements of suspense and fear which make for a story which boys love.  For those w...

The little girl seemed to stare directly out of the book. Her soft auburn hair sat nicely on her shoulders; her cheeks were rosy and bursting with health. But it was her eyes that told the story. Gazing into the distance as if in anticipation of what was supposed to come, they provided the best indication of how the poor child felt. Our elder son took his time to study the picture of the little girl staring out of the window. He seemed transfixed by the image; choosing neither to turn the page, nor to put down the book. After what seemed like hours, the two-year-old pointed at the girl with a frown on his forehead.  "Lonely," he said. "Oh?" asked his Daddy. "What do you mean, Z?" "Lonely," insisted the little boy. "Are you lonely, my son?" asked the father. "Yes," he replied. It was some months ago that I discovered just how useful "My Little Book of Feelings" was. It was a simple pocket-sized board ...

The little boy shrieked at the top of his voice. Glancing around the room, he all but ignored the frustrated man trying in vain to comfort him. His eyes raced furiously to the boxes of toys arrayed around the room; he paused if only to give them a cursory glance, before dashing out of the room. Still in tears, the child wandered from room to room to no avail. Then suddenly he stopped - and sprinted into the waiting arms of a familiar figure - his mother. It has been a difficult couple of weeks. I'm not sure exactly when, but I think it all began not long after our recent trip to Vietnam. My wife and I have pinpointed our Vietnam trip as the time when our son Z's temper tantrums became more frequent and more acute. Upon reflection, I have also ascertained that the period immediately after the trip was the start of Z's "clingy" behaviour. I have been involved in the care of my son since his birth, participating in his night feeds, changing him, bathing him,...

All was quiet on the 2-year-old front. The group of active, squirming toddlers seated in a wobbly circle waited eagerly, each looking forward to his or her turn to put their circular cardboard name tags up on the flannel board which the teacher was holding.  It was a moment of reckoning for Z and me. For the past 3 months in playgroup, my ever-determined son had steadfastly refused to follow the other children's leading to put his cardboard circle on the board. His highly anxious Mummy (i.e. me), eager to please and be a good student in class, had been the one to nervously take the circle from his teacher and put it on the board for him instead, when my little one refused to cooperate after a few awkward minutes of silence and gentle urging from his teachers. I was, truth be told, very exasperated by this time and wondering whether it was because Z did not know how to do this simple task, or he was simply refusing to be told what to do, in the way that t...