Parenting on Purpose

The almost 4-year-old stamped his feet and pouted; his face scrunched up in deep agony. And it seemed that nothing we said would do. K was headed towards a full-blown tantrum and we dreaded to think how long it would take to calm him down. It was at that moment that our almost 9-year-old chose to ask the question, "K, a re you crying because you don't want to leave us?" The little boy stopped his pouting, as he nodded and sobbed. It was a heart-wrenching flow of tears as he clung onto Mummy with koala-like tenacity. Sue later described it as a "desperate pleading look". K would repeat his sobbing and his hugging over the next few days. And as he articulated to us after he was calm, it was a desperate plea for help.  "I don't want to leave Mummy and Daddy.  I want to stay here.   " Taken at the River Safari on one of the last days before K's departure. "Take a photo of me with the turtles, Mummy!" he kept asking, at each turtle exhibit...

"What is my future going to be like? What would have happened to me if I had not been fostered?" Year: 2020 Month: May Dear Diary It has been one month since  Singapore implemented its Circuit-Breaker series of measures intended to curb the spread of the deadly global pandemic Covid-19. Like many other families in Singapore, we have been stuck at home and unable to travel much since the government imposed strict travel restrictions. The economy has come to a virtual standstill. I personally have lost a long list of work engagements; all postponed or cancelled because of the current coronavirus crisis. We are living day to day only because of the grace of God.  But unlike most families in Singapore, we have an extra child in the house. He has been here for 6 months, and it seems he will be with us for a long time to come. K first came to stay together with his brother, J. But we have decided that having four boys in the house during the Covid period was too hard fo...

A Tale on Motivation by Mark Lim. The horsemen were relentless in their pursuit. Fast and furious, they punished the educators with unbridled fury. These teachers, experts in their own right, seemed powerless to halt the onslaught. Yet they knew that if they allowed themselves to be beaten by the horsemen, that they would soon be relegated to the realms of educational oblivion, no doubt the primary objective of the motivational apocalypse. What are the obstacles that our children face? How can we help them to be overcomers? So the educators were determined to better understand their attackers, with the intention of identifying weaknesses and defeating them. They highlighted the following attributes in their attackers: No Benefit Overwhelming Contexts Protecting the Ego Energy Outweighs Success The first horseman operates on the principle that there is No Benefit to the work we do; and that short term benefits trump long-term growth. To counter this attacker, the educa...

Fostering challenges traditional notions of what a family is and what a family should be. At the end of the day, what is your idea of "family"? The younger child seemed a little troubled during bedtime. "Mummy..." he said. "Yes Darling," replied Mummy. "It will be very sad when R has to go home to the tummy mummy and daddy one day."  "Yes, Darling. It will be very sad." "But it's all up to God, right?" "Yes it is. You know that R's tummy mummy and daddy can't take care of any child right now? That's why R is with us." "Yes I know. R is with us just for awhile. Not like Kor Kor and I. The four of us are a forever family." "Yes we are. So how will you feel when R goes back to the tummy mummy and daddy?" "It will be sad, but it will be all right." The older child, who was a silent participant in the conversation, decided to speak at th...

Every muscle in my body protested. Every inner voice in my being screamed from the recesses within. "Don't do it!" they yelled.   "You will make a fool of yourself!" they taunted. "Why are you so stupid? Why do you want to prove to the whole world how stupid you are?" "You know that you are a colossal failure. Now you want everyone in the world to see what a loser you are?" It was deafening deep within. But I did what I could to ignore the deep shame and hurt that I felt from within. The voices of shame can be deafening even in the presence of an external quietness. "The next event will be the Parents' Race. Will  Mark Lim please proceed to the reporting area?" This was it. There would be no turning back now.  So I dragged myself to the starting line, and mingled with the other homeschool dads who all looked eager to race. "I haven't done any running since I was in National Service," I remark...

"May I direct Daddy?" asked the little voice at the back of the car. 'Sure, E," said the man at the wheel, as he handed over the pre-programmed GPS navigation system to the 5-year-old.  "Tell me how long it will take to get there, and whether I should go left or right ok?" "Sure Daddy. It's going to be 30 minutes. A very long journey." "30 minutes is not so bad. We'll be there soon ok?" "Ok, Daddy. You have to turn left very soon." "Oh? How soon E? How many metres?" "7-0-0 metres turn left. Turn left in 700, no 600 metres, Daddy." "OK. Thanks E. You really are a great help!" Car journeys are wonderful for long conversations with the children. Many of our precious moments have taken place in the car. It all began in Taiwan, when we were dealing with two whiny sons at the back of the car. Sue thought then that by letting our kids hold the phone, which w...

These past couple of weeks have been crazy for us. First there were the assignments that I had to complete for my postgraduate course, then there were the workshops that we were suddenly asked to conduct, and finally there were the bazaars that we attended to sell our online store items. It was an extremely busy season, and many of our working hours were occupied with meaningful things; that included taking care of our two little boys and managing both their learning and non-academic needs. One morning,  my older son came to me after I had just returned home from an  early class.  "Daddy," he said. "I'm so glad you're home. Can we go to the Gardens by the Bay?" he asked hopefully.  With a sadness in my heart, I replied, "Sorry Z. Daddy has to go back to work later. Maybe after I come back? Oh. Actually Daddy and Mummy have an important meeting tomorrow and we need to prepare. I don't think we can go today. Er.... How about another day?" ...