Parenting on Purpose

A week ago my wife sadly declared, "Dear, we've gotten it all wrong." With a look of dismay and a voice of despondency, she continued, "Nothing we have done seems to have worked and Z continues to bite and to pinch and to throw his temper tantrums." I responded with a sigh, agreeing that our efforts to discipline our son had so far not yielded any visible fruit. "I really don't know what to do as well," I replied. And we both shook our heads. Discipline has been an issue for our almost 20-month-old son, who will soon reach the dangerous age of the "terrible twos." Last month, our family of three took a two-week trip to Vietnam, taking in the northern sights of the capital Hanoi, scenic Halong Bay and mountain retreat Sapa. It was a spectacular trip and we were witnesses to how one of Southeast Asia's oldest countries grapples with issues of tradition and modernity. However, travelling in a developing country with a one-year-old s...

About a month ago I had my first crawling experience in decades. We were then at a children's playground after a visit to a friend's home. Our son Z was excited to be on the move again, after being cooped up in a house for quite some time. He sprung to life, walking round and round the bottom of the play area, before finally deciding to climb up the ladder. When he got to the top, Z made his way through the maze of walking platforms, finally stopping just at the entrance of a small tunnel. It wasn't a particularly long tunnel; nor was it a particular scary tunnel. It was, however, the first tunnel that Z had ever encountered. And he was not prepared to face it. Looking at the look of uncertainty and doubt on my son's face, I knew I had to do something. So I grit my teeth and squeezed myself through the tunnel. Once through, I turned around and smiled at Z. "Baby," I called out to him. "Daddy's here! Come to Daddy!" The little boy hesitated, c...

Three Thursdays ago, my little one started school. Thanks to a recommendation from one of my fellow stay-at-home mums, we booked a trial class for Z at a playgroup near our home. I already liked the name of the centre as it certainly did not sound too academic. Furthermore, it seemed to be in line with our philosophy of learning through play, especially at this stage of Z's life where he learns best this way. We just wanted him to know that learning is good plain fun! I was honestly quite apprehensive about the whole affair, as it has just been Z and me at home all this while, and our son tends to be very clingy. He therefore takes a long while to warm up to strangers. We had however decided that the time was ripe. Recently, I have noticed the look of longing on his face every time a child from the neighbourhood came by to say hello and eventually bade goodbye. Z would stand there and look mournful as his new friend walked away. Mark says that was how he often felt as an only...

A brand new year. A brand new experience. That's what school children across Singapore went through last week, the start of a brand new school year. Anxious parents across the country accompanied their children to their new schools, hopeful that their little ones would adjust to the biggest change in their lives as yet. My good friend Edwin remarked sadly that he was not able to join his oldest daughter, A, who is entering Primary One this year. For my step-sister Priscilla, her son, E, has been eagerly anticipating school even before the year began, and he enjoyed his first day in Primary School. Also present in school was the Education Minister Heng Swee Kiat. Addressing the parents, Mr Heng stressed that fathers should take a more active role in raising their children. He noted that involved fathers have a postive influence on their children, a role that should be shared with the mothers. Research studies concur with Minister Heng's comments. For inst...

The little boy squealed in delight as he ripped open the shiny foil-like wrapping paper. The reflective surface of the metallic sheet had a shimmering effect, which had apparently caught the attention of the little boy. Z , who was voraciously tearing at the paper, paid no attention to what was inside, his first Christmas gift of the year. He also seemed oblivious to the background voices of his granduncle and grandaunts, who were enthusiastically trying to get him to open his present. It was Christmas Eve, and our family was gathered at Sue's aunts' home, where the extended family normally celebrates the festive occasion with a traditional feast of turkey, ham, and other delectable treats. We had just finished a rousing session of singing Christmas carols, and our son Z still did not display any signs of being tired. This despite him singing and lifting his hands throughout the session, obviously enjoying the melodious voices that were singing song after song about Chri...

It has been a long couple of weeks since the tantrums started. It all began on a Monday morning three weeks ago, when Mark dropped Z and I off at a nearby library to return some books. It had been an exhausting weekend with my cousin getting married, and family in town from overseas as a result of the wedding. Our son, being pretty much like his parents, does not like crowds, nor does he relish too much attention, which is often the ill-effect of being a cute baby and having hordes of people poking and cooing at you in a large gathering. We were all mostly hung-over from the previous few days, but the library books had to be returned. I was at the borrowing counter, about to scan in my books, when Z got grouchy because I did not want him pressing the buttons on the terminal. Soon, it escalated into a major tantrum, with my son rolling on the carpeted floor of the library next to the "Please Maintain Silence" sign, wailing at the top of his lungs and refusing to be consoled....

"I really can't wait to eat Claire's delicious dinner. She has always prepared a sumptious meal all these years... But this crazy rain seems to get heavier by the minute, and the traffic is really crazy... I wish we had arranged another day for our mentoring session..." That was my lament to Sue as we drove last Thursday to the home of Ben and Claire, the lovely couple who have been our relationship mentors even before we got married. The December monsoons had come a few weeks early, peak hour traffic was almost at a standstill, our son Z was getting a little cranky in his car seat, and we were very late - almost one hour to be precise. But the moment we entered the house, all strain and tiredness seemed to evaporate like the springtime mist. Ben was all smiles as he greeted us. "There's no need to apologise," he voiced, as we articulated the long story behind why we were so late. "What's most important is that you're here," echoed Cl...