Parenting on Purpose

Fostering challenges traditional notions of what a family is and what a family should be. At the end of the day, what is your idea of "family"? The younger child seemed a little troubled during bedtime. "Mummy..." he said. "Yes Darling," replied Mummy. "It will be very sad when R has to go home to the tummy mummy and daddy one day."  "Yes, Darling. It will be very sad." "But it's all up to God, right?" "Yes it is. You know that R's tummy mummy and daddy can't take care of any child right now? That's why R is with us." "Yes I know. R is with us just for awhile. Not like Kor Kor and I. The four of us are a forever family." "Yes we are. So how will you feel when R goes back to the tummy mummy and daddy?" "It will be sad, but it will be all right." The older child, who was a silent participant in the conversation, decided to speak at th...

Appearances were deceiving. It was a secluded building apparently in the middle of nowhere. The only clue we had was from a curious invitation card, mysteriously emailed to us, and informing us that we had come into possession of a "rare and limited ticket" which would grant us access into the "wonderful world of Grimmsneyland". Could it be that the entrance to such a magical place would be innocently hidden in the outskirts of suburban Singapore? And so we climbed up the rickety steps, uncertain at what we were to expect. Little did we expect to find a strange creature at the top of the stairs. He said his name was Brandon, and that he was a Fairy-Godfather-in-Training; and that it was his duty to guide us into Grimmsneyland.  And that, dear readers, was the beginning of our Adventures in Grimmsneyland! What magical adventures await! Imagine coming face to face with Napping Beauty, who dazzles in her pink outfit! ANDSOFORTH Jr.'s production,  Tales of G...

Every muscle in my body protested. Every inner voice in my being screamed from the recesses within. "Don't do it!" they yelled.   "You will make a fool of yourself!" they taunted. "Why are you so stupid? Why do you want to prove to the whole world how stupid you are?" "You know that you are a colossal failure. Now you want everyone in the world to see what a loser you are?" It was deafening deep within. But I did what I could to ignore the deep shame and hurt that I felt from within. The voices of shame can be deafening even in the presence of an external quietness. "The next event will be the Parents' Race. Will  Mark Lim please proceed to the reporting area?" This was it. There would be no turning back now.  So I dragged myself to the starting line, and mingled with the other homeschool dads who all looked eager to race. "I haven't done any running since I was in National Service," I remark...

*A version of this post was intended to be published in April, about a month before I graduated from my postgraduate programme in counselling. But in a twinkling of an eye, 2 months have passed since then. I am re-writing this post as I want to capture the emotions from that period of my life.* The moment I had been waiting for! It has now been just over a month since I gradated from my postgraduate programme. I recall the period before graduation. It was a tough period, and I was finally graduating  after almost 3/1/2 years of juggling between work and studies and family. In most marathon races, the last part is always the most difficult. And while I may not be an athlete, I can identify with the aches and pains associated with that last leg of the journey.  The finishing line is in sight. You have the date of the graduation ceremony at the back of your mind. The tape at the end of the race is fluttering in the breeze.  You have collected your graduation gown a...

We recently went on a holiday to Fraser's Hill, one of the less-visited places in Malaysia. For Sue and I, this is a place that is filled with memories. It was, for her, a childhood oasis, a place where her family would visit year after year, and build many precious memories together. It was, for me, a special place where I visited with a band of dear brothers during our university days, and where we set a stake in the ground, to declare that we wanted to surrender all of our days to the glory of God. It was, for Sue and I, the location of our honeymoon, the place where we enjoyed our first few days of marital bliss; the place where we chiselled our marriage covenant and planned for our future as one.  This is how I remember Fraser's Hill. Shrouded in mist and somewhat mysterious; a grand legacy of days gone by. I remember my first visit there as a single young man, not yet a quarter of a century old, but yet imbued with the desire to be the best father I could be sho...

"May I direct Daddy?" asked the little voice at the back of the car. 'Sure, E," said the man at the wheel, as he handed over the pre-programmed GPS navigation system to the 5-year-old.  "Tell me how long it will take to get there, and whether I should go left or right ok?" "Sure Daddy. It's going to be 30 minutes. A very long journey." "30 minutes is not so bad. We'll be there soon ok?" "Ok, Daddy. You have to turn left very soon." "Oh? How soon E? How many metres?" "7-0-0 metres turn left. Turn left in 700, no 600 metres, Daddy." "OK. Thanks E. You really are a great help!" Car journeys are wonderful for long conversations with the children. Many of our precious moments have taken place in the car. It all began in Taiwan, when we were dealing with two whiny sons at the back of the car. Sue thought then that by letting our kids hold the phone, which w...

I smiled nervously at my 7-year-old son and held my breath, waiting for the answer to my question. The wait was always unnerving; especially since I never had a clue as to what answer he would give. “How can I be a better Daddy?” I had ventured. The little boy looked earnestly at me, and replied in a soft gentle voice, “You could play more games with me.” “Anything else? Is there any other thing I could do to be a better Daddy?” “No, that’s all.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I had gotten off easy this time. I had learnt this approach some years back. The question “How can I be a better Daddy?” provides an insight into how we can affirm our children in a love language they understand. This principle is derived from Gary Chapman’s book,  The 5 Love Languages of Children . Chapman describes the five love languages that we use to communicate, namely Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Speaking My Child’s Love Language ...