Parenting on Purpose

It was a heart-wrenching wail which permeated the stillness of the night.  And the accompanying cry was no less disturbing, an appeal which persisted for no less than half an hour. "I don't want the light off!" Yes, it was time to sleep, and our 3-year-old foster son was throwing a tantrum once again and refusing to sleep.  This incident took place about a month ago, and it was the first in a series of nightly tantrums, each persisting for seemingly innocuous reasons; the day after it was "I don't want the giraffe water bottle!", which was followed by "I don't want the apple!" and then, when all else seemed to fail, it became "It is not nighttime!" Little K on one of his earlier outings with the family. The twin boys were then amused to be given twin bananas! Sometimes we feel we're fighting a battle.  As a history student I will always remember the trenches of World War One where the British and German forces fought hand to hand ...

The 3-year-old grinned brilliantly at me, a picture of complete bliss. In one hand he held a half-eaten char siew bao. And as I looked at what he had in the other hand, I realised it was another char siew bao , also punctured with little bite-marks.  "Tada!" he proclaimed, obviously feeling triumphant at what he had managed to accomplish. The look in my eyes transformed at once from curiosity to exasperation. "K! What are you doing! Why are you eating in this way! Why can't you eat one thing at a time!" And my frustration increased a notch when I learnt that he had already eaten one other bun, and this meant that he had singlehandedly finished all three of the buns that were meant as a snack for all three of my kids! Our little foster boy gets along well with our other kids. As the youngest in our household, he is always trying to fit in and play with his Kor Kors.  This was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was the culmination of one week of behavio...

I examined the little card. It had two red flowers cut out of paper, with Fathers' Day greetings written in both English and Chinese. A simple card, ordinary in many ways, and probably one of the many made by children around the world for their fathers on this special day. But this card was different. It was found in the school bag of a child who probably doesn't fully understand the meaning of the words "father"; a child who has had his whole world shaken up when his birth parents couldn't take care of him and when he ended up first as a ward of the state, and then as a newcomer in a completely different household.  The card belongs to K, the scared little boy who first entered our home some seven months ago. And I am his foster father. What does the word "father" mean to you? This is a difficult question that many foster fathers struggle to answer. I remember that day in November last year very clearly. We had been ready for another foster placement fo...

As a parent, I know I have made so many mistakes in my parenting journey. But in the process, I know I have also grown in the way I parent my children. One night, as I was reflecting on how I can be a better parent, I wrote out 10 principles which I believe to be essential towards helping my kids become the persons God intended for them to be: Our two sons modelling for our Sensory Superhero Series. Both boys are such creative individuals who love fun and uninhibited play. Our heart is for them to become the persons God meant for them to be!  1) Recognise that every child is a gift from God. Love them for who they are not what they are. 2) Treasure every moment with them, both big and small. Surprise them with fun experiences and build memories that last a lifetime. 3) Treat every child equally. You may love them in different ways due to their different love languages, but at the end each child must know you love them with all of your heart. 4) Recognise that every c...

"What is my future going to be like? What would have happened to me if I had not been fostered?" Year: 2020 Month: May Dear Diary It has been one month since  Singapore implemented its Circuit-Breaker series of measures intended to curb the spread of the deadly global pandemic Covid-19. Like many other families in Singapore, we have been stuck at home and unable to travel much since the government imposed strict travel restrictions. The economy has come to a virtual standstill. I personally have lost a long list of work engagements; all postponed or cancelled because of the current coronavirus crisis. We are living day to day only because of the grace of God.  But unlike most families in Singapore, we have an extra child in the house. He has been here for 6 months, and it seems he will be with us for a long time to come. K first came to stay together with his brother, J. But we have decided that having four boys in the house during the Covid period was too hard fo...