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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Sowing Seeds of Love

Motherhood is a perplexing thing. In the pure exhaustion of the daily business of handling two young boys I find myself looking forward to my two work days each week when the boys go to their grandparents' homes and I have a few precious hours of time away, not necessarily time to myself as there are chores to do and other children to teach, but sufficient for regrouping and a little rest and reflection.

And yet, in that moment of parting when I see their little solemn faces through the car window as Nai Nai drives them off, it is somehow still hard to let them go. I confuse myself sometimes!
Reflecting on our parenting are an important part of the process.
Yesterday morning was no different.  We had had a gruelling weekend of three family gatherings in a row which had left a rather grouchy older boy and a clingy toddler.  The older one was sensing the impending separation and acting up the whole morning.

Finally bundled up in their grandma's car, I waved goodbye to them in the parking lot with a slight tinge of irrational 'mummy-guilt', knowing they would have a lovely time with Ye Ye and Nai Nai and yet feeling sorry to see them go.

From the back of the car I heard a little voice saying, "Mummy, you take Elmo along," in a matter-of-fact voice.  I looked in through the car window and saw his little hands holding his beloved stuffed toy, thrusting the furry red creature out to me. I was touched.  It was an act of kindness and his way of ensuring that I would take along a little piece of him as I went through my day, something precious of his and close to his heart.       

Z is almost three-and-a half, his brother E going on one-and-a-half. The early years of parenthood are gruelling ones, full of unconditional giving, bottles of milk, diaper changes and sleepless nights when babies are sick and teething. Then the toddler years greet you in full force with tantrums and strong wills, and the tricky part of parenting begins when you truly need to rely on a greater wisdom apart from yourself to help your children to grow in maturity, hopefully bearing good fruit of love,  patience and kindness along the way.

These are times when my husband has joked that we sound like a broken record - "Please be gentle to your brother", "Wait patiently for your turn", "No pushing or hitting! " have been our constant refrains. And we carry on with the hope that someday all this will actually sink in. And how amazing it is when it finally does! How rewarding it has felt when the seeds that are sown finally begin bearing fruit and your little one begins learning to put others' needs before his own.   

A precious moment with the boys...
He offers you his beloved stuffed toy,  or lets you have the last piece of his favourite chocolate cake.  You witness him wiping his little brother's runny nose with a tissue. He leaves a room and pops his head back in to say, "Love you Daddy!" And suddenly the endless repetitions all seem worthwhile.  

May the seeds of love, gentleness and kindness in our children's lives bear fruit for a lifetime to come... and hopefully, may I also learn to let go and enjoy these moments away; to recharge that tape recorder of ours, so that it can carry on playing its imperfect tunes, and hopefully one day produce a beautiful melody.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Sue, just wanna say that you're an amazing mummy ... so touched and blessed as i read this entry of yours as it reflected exactly how i feel / felt sometimes. You've expressed it so well in words. Way to go! And yes, enjoy the moments where you get to 'recharge' your tape recorder ;-)

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  2. Hi Ming Ming, sorry for the late reply and thanks so much for the timely encouragement! Mark does most of the writing as I really don't have the time or energy to but writing does help me to reflect on what He is doing in my life.

    Friends like you are my 'rechargable batteries' & I have been so encouraged by you and your family & how you have brought C up to be a mature little girl who loves God. Thankful for our friendship over the years and now as mummies who can press on in the journey together :) have a blessed week ahead!

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