Parenting on Purpose

A boy and his boat. E embarked on the Optimist Sailing Introductory Course recently. It was his first experience on the water. He started off raring to go. However, a few weeks later, Covid guidelines dictated that we stop again for a few weeks, and he lost momentum and spent the break gradually feeling more anxious about being out on the open sea and about the challenges he had had controlling the boat. Sailing is hard work. Each time you have to take the boat out into the water. And you have to take the boat back to shore. Week after week, we went through the same cycle of talking E through his fears and trying to balance between hearing him out and reminding him to stay the course and persevere in the hard things. My prayer was that our son would encounter God when he cried out to Him with his genuine fears, but I was also struggling at the same time with my own worries about what could happen out at sea. I knew there was a very experienced coach, but there were still so many factor...

It is said that time heals all wounds. Well, what's not said is that much of what we remember is so closely associated with our emotions; after all, our emotions are strongly etched in our memories when there is an intensive firing of the neurons in the brain; and all of this leaves a deep imprint of the intense feelings associated with an event. In fostering, there are so many emotions involved, and as such we remember so many of the incidents. And these memories will stay with us long after the children are gone. What triggered the current surge in emotions is the end of what I have termed as the "Noah's Ark" Covid restrictions, the rules that stipulate that we need to dine out only in groups of two. It has almost been two months since the start of this round of restrictions, and I remember that the start of the lockdown almost coincided with the departure of our last foster child K. I remember that we had to cancel most of his farewell plans because at that time, a...

The almost 4-year-old stamped his feet and pouted; his face scrunched up in deep agony. And it seemed that nothing we said would do. K was headed towards a full-blown tantrum and we dreaded to think how long it would take to calm him down. It was at that moment that our almost 9-year-old chose to ask the question, "K, a re you crying because you don't want to leave us?" The little boy stopped his pouting, as he nodded and sobbed. It was a heart-wrenching flow of tears as he clung onto Mummy with koala-like tenacity. Sue later described it as a "desperate pleading look". K would repeat his sobbing and his hugging over the next few days. And as he articulated to us after he was calm, it was a desperate plea for help.  "I don't want to leave Mummy and Daddy.  I want to stay here.   " Taken at the River Safari on one of the last days before K's departure. "Take a photo of me with the turtles, Mummy!" he kept asking, at each turtle exhibit...

The 3/1/2-year-old sauntered confidently to me, a new T-shirt and shorts in his hands. "Daddy," he said, "Look. Correct side." I glanced at the print and design on the front of his shirt, one he had chosen for himself from his chest of drawers. "Yes K," I said with a smile. "It's the correct side. Good job!" Then I patted him on his shoulder and beamed at him. "Well done. I'm glad you now know how to wear your shirt the right way round." And the little boy's face broke out into a brilliant smile as he nodded his head sagely. He then picked up his dirty clothes, and made his way to the laundry basket, dumping the clothes in them as he merrily made his way out of the room. It's been 15 months since little K joined our family. Life has been a bumpy ride, but there are moments of joy. I never believed this day would arrive. Just a few weeks back our foster kid was happily wearing everything the wrong way round - shirt, short...

It is not easy to be a parent today. The world as we know it has changed before our very eyes with the advent of the millennium and the rapid technological advances that have materialised subsequently. But there are parenting principles that hold true. These are 10 parenting principles I hold close to my heart: Parenting these two boys is such a delight! This picture is a representation of their zest for life and intensity of being. 1) Recognise that every child is a gift from God. Love them for who they are not what they are. 2) Treasure every moment with them, both big and small. Surprise them with fun experiences and build memories that last a lifetime. 3) Treat every child equally. You may love them in different ways due to their different love languages, but at the end each child must know you love them with all of your heart. 4) Recognise that every child has his own strengths and weaknesses. Build on his strengths, and guide him to manage his weaknesses. 5) Love their mum. It...

It was a heart-wrenching wail which permeated the stillness of the night.  And the accompanying cry was no less disturbing, an appeal which persisted for no less than half an hour. "I don't want the light off!" Yes, it was time to sleep, and our 3-year-old foster son was throwing a tantrum once again and refusing to sleep.  This incident took place about a month ago, and it was the first in a series of nightly tantrums, each persisting for seemingly innocuous reasons; the day after it was "I don't want the giraffe water bottle!", which was followed by "I don't want the apple!" and then, when all else seemed to fail, it became "It is not nighttime!" Little K on one of his earlier outings with the family. The twin boys were then amused to be given twin bananas! Sometimes we feel we're fighting a battle.  As a history student I will always remember the trenches of World War One where the British and German forces fought hand to hand ...