Parenting on Purpose

Three Thursdays ago, my little one started school. Thanks to a recommendation from one of my fellow stay-at-home mums, we booked a trial class for Z at a playgroup near our home. I already liked the name of the centre as it certainly did not sound too academic. Furthermore, it seemed to be in line with our philosophy of learning through play, especially at this stage of Z's life where he learns best this way. We just wanted him to know that learning is good plain fun! I was honestly quite apprehensive about the whole affair, as it has just been Z and me at home all this while, and our son tends to be very clingy. He therefore takes a long while to warm up to strangers. We had however decided that the time was ripe. Recently, I have noticed the look of longing on his face every time a child from the neighbourhood came by to say hello and eventually bade goodbye. Z would stand there and look mournful as his new friend walked away. Mark says that was how he often felt as an only...

A brand new year. A brand new experience. That's what school children across Singapore went through last week, the start of a brand new school year. Anxious parents across the country accompanied their children to their new schools, hopeful that their little ones would adjust to the biggest change in their lives as yet. My good friend Edwin remarked sadly that he was not able to join his oldest daughter, A, who is entering Primary One this year. For my step-sister Priscilla, her son, E, has been eagerly anticipating school even before the year began, and he enjoyed his first day in Primary School. Also present in school was the Education Minister Heng Swee Kiat. Addressing the parents, Mr Heng stressed that fathers should take a more active role in raising their children. He noted that involved fathers have a postive influence on their children, a role that should be shared with the mothers. Research studies concur with Minister Heng's comments. For inst...

The little boy squealed in delight as he ripped open the shiny foil-like wrapping paper. The reflective surface of the metallic sheet had a shimmering effect, which had apparently caught the attention of the little boy. Z , who was voraciously tearing at the paper, paid no attention to what was inside, his first Christmas gift of the year. He also seemed oblivious to the background voices of his granduncle and grandaunts, who were enthusiastically trying to get him to open his present. It was Christmas Eve, and our family was gathered at Sue's aunts' home, where the extended family normally celebrates the festive occasion with a traditional feast of turkey, ham, and other delectable treats. We had just finished a rousing session of singing Christmas carols, and our son Z still did not display any signs of being tired. This despite him singing and lifting his hands throughout the session, obviously enjoying the melodious voices that were singing song after song about Chri...

It has been a long couple of weeks since the tantrums started. It all began on a Monday morning three weeks ago, when Mark dropped Z and I off at a nearby library to return some books. It had been an exhausting weekend with my cousin getting married, and family in town from overseas as a result of the wedding. Our son, being pretty much like his parents, does not like crowds, nor does he relish too much attention, which is often the ill-effect of being a cute baby and having hordes of people poking and cooing at you in a large gathering. We were all mostly hung-over from the previous few days, but the library books had to be returned. I was at the borrowing counter, about to scan in my books, when Z got grouchy because I did not want him pressing the buttons on the terminal. Soon, it escalated into a major tantrum, with my son rolling on the carpeted floor of the library next to the "Please Maintain Silence" sign, wailing at the top of his lungs and refusing to be consoled....

"I really can't wait to eat Claire's delicious dinner. She has always prepared a sumptious meal all these years... But this crazy rain seems to get heavier by the minute, and the traffic is really crazy... I wish we had arranged another day for our mentoring session..." That was my lament to Sue as we drove last Thursday to the home of Ben and Claire, the lovely couple who have been our relationship mentors even before we got married. The December monsoons had come a few weeks early, peak hour traffic was almost at a standstill, our son Z was getting a little cranky in his car seat, and we were very late - almost one hour to be precise. But the moment we entered the house, all strain and tiredness seemed to evaporate like the springtime mist. Ben was all smiles as he greeted us. "There's no need to apologise," he voiced, as we articulated the long story behind why we were so late. "What's most important is that you're here," echoed Cl...

i has taken the world by storm. Today there are few people who do not know what an i Pad, an i Phone or an i Pod is. And that does not preclude children under the age of eight. According to a recent US study, about half of children aged eight and below have access to a mobile device such as a smartphone, a video i Pod, an i Pad or other tablet. The October 2011 study of 1,384 parents by San Francisco-based Common Sense Media explained the findings, saying that the figures reflect the trend among adults, given that parents continually model such behaviour for their children. This trend is not exclusive to online media. According to the survey, the television is still the main entertainer for a child. Results showed that children under the age of two tended to watch an average of 53 minutes a day of TV or DVDs, and about one-third of American children that age have TVs in their bedrooms. When Sue and I first read the survey findings, it brought a certain feeling of dis-ease to us. In ...

We had a lovely weekend. Saturday was spent going for Z's swim class in the morning, followed by his usual nap before we headed off to spend the afternoon with one of Mark's very good friends, Edwin, and his wife Christine. They have three girls. It was a time of rest and catching up. The fellowship was comfortable, our shared commonalities made for insightful conversation, the children played well together, and most of all, we once again felt refreshed in the presence of good friends.  I have come to not take these moments for granted. Ten years ago, in my yet unmarried state, no housework or babies to tend to, these moments were far easier to obtain and I believe I must have taken them for granted. In my university days, or just starting work, there seemed to be so many more evenings which could be spent just hanging out with friends for dinner, or catching a show. There have also been friends who have come and gone through the years, and I have learnt to take friendshi...