The Model Parent

About a month ago I had my first crawling experience in decades. We were then at a children's playground after a visit to a friend's home. Our son Z was excited to be on the move again, after being cooped up in a house for quite some time. He sprung to life, walking round and round the bottom of the play area, before finally deciding to climb up the ladder. When he got to the top, Z made his way through the maze of walking platforms, finally stopping just at the entrance of a small tunnel.

It wasn't a particularly long tunnel; nor was it a particular scary tunnel. It was, however, the first tunnel that Z had ever encountered. And he was not prepared to face it.

Looking at the look of uncertainty and doubt on my son's face, I knew I had to do something. So I grit my teeth and squeezed myself through the tunnel. Once through, I turned around and smiled at Z.

"Baby," I called out to him. "Daddy's here! Come to Daddy!"

The little boy hesitated, clearly frowning in puzzlement over the new development. Then I believe I detected a tiny cheeky smile on his face. Going down on his knees, he carefully and concertedly crawled all the way through the tunnel. Once through, he clapped his hands in delight, and promptly repeated the journey continuously for a couple more times.

As I reflected on the day's events, I realised that Z's story was a lesson in parental modelling & mentoring. I knew I had to crawl through the kid-size tunnel because my son wouldn't do it on his own. Especially since I knew that he really wanted to do so, but lacked the faith and courage. But once my son saw that his Daddy had to go down on his knees and squeeze through the tunnel, he not only "borrowed" his Daddy's faith to enter it once, but also made the same journey back and forth continuously on his own. It was truly a priceless lesson on parental influence and developing confidence in your child.

Numerous research studies show that parents are the most influential figures in their children's lives. One of the latest, by the Scout Association in the United Kingdom, noted that teenagers were influenced most by their parents and siblings. The study of more than 1,000 youths aged 13 to 18 also observed that parents served as bigger role models then celebrities such as David Beckham.

I am taking parenting seriously. There have been many occasions when I have chosen to model positive actions to my son in the hope that he would follow suit. For instance we have been clasping our hands together before each meal and saying "Thank You, Jesus," in a gesture intended to give thanks to God for the food we eat. Since Z was five-months-old we have also taught him to do likewise, and now, at the age of one-and-a-half years, our son imitates us whenever we clasp our hands together. In fact, he recently said "Thank You, Jesus," for the first time, one of his first complete sentences.

One other instance of modelling has been in the area of cleaning up. We have discovered that our son enjoys using a tissue or cloth to wipe the table. I believe he has learnt this action from his Mummy, who often goes around the house with a tissue to wipe up the messes he makes. In a recent incident, Z went into a tantrum and overturned a glass of freshly-squeezed apple-peach juice all over Sue. We were of course very upset with him, especially since we were at a hawker centre and were a distance away from home. While we were scolding him for his actions, we couldn't help but be amused that he had taken a piece of tissue from me, and was attempting to wipe the table. At that moment I couldn't be completely sure whether he had acknowledged his mistake, and was wiping the table in an act of apology; or perhaps he was simply enjoying himself in the clean-up process.

Lest the title of this entry presents the presumption that I am a "model parent", let me note for the record that this is far from the case. Both Sue and I are far from the ideal parent, and we have made so many mistakes in the parenting process. Z has recently been going through a tantrum phase and there have been many times when I have allowed my actions to reflect my anger rather than my desire to correct him. It's in those moments when I know I should have approached the matter differently - not to react in anger to his tantrums, but to instead be calm and yet firm in the disciplining process.

I know the journey ahead will be long; I don't particularly want to test my dexterity and my endurance to climb more obstacles in the future. But I know I will have to - afterall I know there will be times when my son might be scared of the unknown and would seek a comforting and reassuring gesture from his father. And I know I will go ahead before him, and hope he "borrows" my faith, learning to make the same journey on his own.

Comments

Malacca with the Kids: March 2015

Malacca has always been our go-to place for a short getaway. Most of the time, it's been without the kids. We love soaking in the ambience of Jonker Street and strolling by the river. Of course, the food never fails to draw us back to this laidback town with its sleepy atmosphere. The facade of Malacca has, however, changed over the years. Imposing mega malls loom over two-storey shophouses. I would probably have not brought the boys along as the streets are narrow and traffic seemingly never ebbing, but when I googled "Malacca for Kids" this time round, there were quite a few options for the kids to enjoy. Of course, the main reason why we decided to go was because we were attending my dearest cousin's wedding dinner. This brings back memories of how my cousins and I used to hang around at Chinese restaurants. We would be so thrilled to be on an actual stage... And our choice of accommodation was largely influenced by the water play area which our hot

Setting Up a Finnish School in the Home

The issue of private tuition has again come to the forefront after a senior education official pronounced in parliament that the Singapore education system is "run on the basis that tuition is not necessary". Ms Indranee Rajah, Senior Minister of State for Education, added that schools provide "comprehensive levelling-up programmes" as well as remedial and supplementary classes to support weaker students. In the days that followed, mainstream and social media agencies were abuzz with reports from parents and students alike, many of whom disagreed with Ms Indranee's assessment of the education scene. They argued that private tuition is already a multi-million dollar industry, and that its very existence disputes notions that tuition is unnecessary. From the perspective of an educator in Singapore, I can understand the comments made by the Senior Minister of State, especially since it is the responsibility of the Education Ministry to teach our school childre

"Monkeying Around": A Review of My Gym Singapore

Our 2/1/2-year old son E has always been an active child. When he was an infant, E would crawl around and get into all sorts of mischief, until one day when he discovered that he could climb on his poor Daddy, in an inspired moment of pretend play - Daddy was his mountain and he was Sir Edmund Hilary - the first person to scale Mt Everest! It was therefore with great excitement that we we heard that Parenting on Purpose had been invited by My Gym Singapore to participate in a series of four classes. We agreed at once; knowing that our little boy would thoroughly enjoy gym class - this was also a chance for our exuberant toddler to work off his energy and hopefully fall fast asleep after getting home. Our little son having a swing of a time at gym class. My Gym has an interesting educational philosophy that emphasises building self esteem in children. This is an excerpt from the company's website: The philosophy that guides My Gym’s programming and breakdown for clas

Schooling for Gold: a Parent Reflects on Singapore's First Olympic Gold Medallist

50.39 seconds. The (less than) one minute of time that made history for the small island nation of Singapore. Millions in Singapore and around the world watched as 21-year-old Joseph Schooling defeated his long-time idol and heavily-decorated Olympian Michael Phelps, the man described as "the most-decorated Olympian of all time". Indeed most of the international news footage had been previously focussed on Phelps, given that the American is expected to retire at this year's Rio Olympics. The New York Times even ran an article with the headline: " Somebody (His Name’s Joseph Schooling) Finally Beats Michael Phelps"! For Joseph Schooling, it could not have been a prouder moment, as he not only bagged Singapore's first and only Olympic Gold, it was also a race that proved he had not only matched, but also beaten his childhood idol. Indeed a 2008 photograph of 13-year-old Schooling standing side by side with Michael Phelps has been spreading like wildfire o

Hong Kong for Kids: Our Dorsett Wanchai Experience

It was only a few months back when we had our lovely holiday experience in Hong Kong. We had then stayed in the Cosmopolitan Hotel, a lovely place located at the northern tip of Hong Kong island, near the world-famous Ocean Park. Most people have asked us why we chose Hong Kong as a destination for our kids given the island's reputation as more of a food and shopping paradise. We shared with them that there is actually more than meets the eye to this territory known affectionately as the "Pearl of the Orient". The view from Stanley, one of our favourite spots in the beautiful city of Hong Kong. Rooms in Hong Kong are small, and we had a hard time looking for a place to stay that could meet the needs of our two very energetic children. We settled for the Cosmopolitan Hotel, given that it was one of the few hotels that had affordable prices for its Family Quad Room, a large room that could accommodate all four of us comfortably. We were pleasantly surprised when we r

A Safe Space: Adventures in Fostering

Fostering challenges traditional notions of what a family is and what a family should be. At the end of the day, what is your idea of "family"? The younger child seemed a little troubled during bedtime. "Mummy..." he said. "Yes Darling," replied Mummy. "It will be very sad when R has to go home to the tummy mummy and daddy one day." "Yes, Darling. It will be very sad." "But it's all up to God, right?" "Yes it is. You know that R's tummy mummy and daddy can't take care of any child right now? That's why R is with us." "Yes I know. R is with us just for awhile. Not like Kor Kor and I. The four of us are a forever family." "Yes we are. So how will you feel when R goes back to the tummy mummy and daddy?" "It will be sad, but it will be all right." The older child, who was a silent participant in the conversation, decided to speak at th

The Father I Will Never Be

We recently went on a holiday to Fraser's Hill, one of the less-visited places in Malaysia. For Sue and I, this is a place that is filled with memories. It was, for her, a childhood oasis, a place where her family would visit year after year, and build many precious memories together. It was, for me, a special place where I visited with a band of dear brothers during our university days, and where we set a stake in the ground, to declare that we wanted to surrender all of our days to the glory of God. It was, for Sue and I, the location of our honeymoon, the place where we enjoyed our first few days of marital bliss; the place where we chiselled our marriage covenant and planned for our future as one. This is how I remember Fraser's Hill. Shrouded in mist and somewhat mysterious; a grand legacy of days gone by. I remember my first visit there as a single young man, not yet a quarter of a century old, but yet imbued with the desire to be the best father I could be sho

The Insecurities of a Homeschooling Dad

Social media can be very deceiving. We scroll through the news feeds of people we know (or of celebrity bloggers and content experts), and assume that they are living perfect lives. With every holiday photo they post, every food picture presented, or every insightful article they write, we slip into social media envy and assume that our friends are enjoying the time of their lives. And many people assume that of me as well. They seem to think that I am living the dream life with a wonderful job and wonderful kids. And when I meet people at my various engagements, I seem to get the nod that I am the model citizen of social media society. A recent holiday in Disneyland. After long queues under the hot sun, we were quite the "model" family! There is some truth to this. At this moment, I can say that there is no other job I would rather do; to be my own boss and to conduct training workshops for others, sometimes with my wife; what more could a man ask for? And my kids? T

Parenting Your Child for Marriage

It's not often that the Father of the Bride gets to speak at a wedding. Oftentimes, the only words are in response to the question, "Who presents this woman to be married to this man?" In that instance, it is normally a mild-mannered man, one who shuns the attention of the moment, who barely manages to whisper out the refrain, "I do." A precious photo of a very special couple. This was completely not what happened at a wedding I was at almost three weeks ago. In response to that question, the Father of the Bride seemed to have an entire speech prepared for the Groom, "I present to you the key to my daughter's heart, " he declared. "I have protected her heart all her life until this point, and now I am handing over this responsibility to you." And with a firm voice, he presented this solemn reminder: "Remember that you will not be able to do this on your own, but only with God's help, and by spending time with Him daily.&

Of Yellow Ribbons & Fathers for Life - the Legacy of Jason Wong

Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the ole oak tree It's been three long years Do ya still want me If I don't see a ribbon 'round the ole oak tree I'll stay on the bus Forget about us Put the blame on me If I don't see a yellow ribbon 'round the ole oak tree The old folk song Tie A Yellow Ribbon is based on a delightful American story that tells of an ex-convict who returns home to his loved one after serving time in prison. Prior to his release, he had requested for her to tie a yellow ribbon around a tree outside of the town where she lived. And if there was no ribbon there, he would simply go on his way, understanding that she might never forgive him. However, when he passed by the tree, there were 100 yellow ribbons, symbolising that his sweetheart had forgiven him, and that he would be welcomed home. Learning to love and accept one another. The popular Yellow Ribbon Project is based on this premise. Founded in 2004 by Senior Prisons Of

Parenting on Purpose

Search This Blog