Skip to main content

The Spirituality of Parenting Part 1

This is the first of a two-part paper that was submitted to the Singapore Bible College as part of the requirements for my Graduate Diploma. It was for the module "An Introduction to Christian Spirituality".

Reflecting on Christian Spirituality

Christian Spirituality as based on the Bible has to do with “things that are of God”. It incorporates aspects of being, thought, speech, actions, passion and relations (Lang, 2016b). This definition of spirituality adopts an integrated approach and considers a person’s relationship with God in a holistic manner; not only focussing on traditional spiritual disciplines such as the reading of God’s Word, prayer and worship, but also a person’s purpose and calling, and how his or her actions serve as a Christian witness to the larger social group and global community.

This paper will discuss the “Spirituality of Parenthood”. It will examine how as parents, our understanding and practice of Christian Spirituality has a direct impact on our immediate sphere of influence - our children; and how this bears witness to the larger global community. The paper will focus on three aspects of spirituality discussed in the course, An Introduction to Christian Spirituality i.e. the role of the community, the role of temperaments and the role of missions, and how each of these three aspects have shaped my understanding of parenting.
Each of our two boys has a different temperament; and this has a significant impact on how we parent them.

The Community & Christian Spirituality


The early Church in Acts is often seen as a model for the Christian community. Acts 2:44 notes that “all who believed were together and had all things in common” (English Standard Version). The early Christian community devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching. They broke bread and prayed together. For them, community included the selling of possessions and distributing the proceeds to all, as according to individual need (Acts 2:42-45). Given the deep sense of belonging, it was considered a serious transgression if a member of the community chose to lie to the community, or to deal dishonestly with property that was intended for the community. The story of Ananias and Sapphira is a case in point (Acts 5:1-11). In this instance the couple sold their property to give the proceeds to the Church. But they lied regarding the amount of money, and were struck dead by God.

Gerald Sittser, in his book Water from a Deep Well (2007), shared about how the early Christian community had a deep sense of belonging to each other. Sittser pointed to the implications of what it could be like if today’s church adopted the model of the early Christians. He noted that God calls the church to be a “community of belonging for broken people” (p. 65). Such a community of believers would then be a testimony of the power of the Gospel to transform lives and to provide a sense of belonging for all who are outcast and alone.

While the early Christians emphasised community-based spirituality, many modern-day Christians are of the opinion that spirituality should be an individualised affair (Lang, 2016a). Spirituality is seen as a personal responsibility, and that it should be private, with religion confined to the private sphere and prayer conducted in a secret, secluded place. Moreover, the emphasis on individual spiritual disciplines such as quiet time, memory verses and personal evangelism seems to suggest a more personal form of spirituality. However the Bible is clear that spirituality is often community-based, with instances of righteousness and sin being transferred across familial and generational lines (Lang, 2016a).

Scorgie and Reimer (2011) argue that Christian spirituality is relational in nature. They present the thesis that God is triune in nature, and given our role as bearers of His image, that we should also be relational in nature. Moreover, loving God and loving others is inextricably related, and we cannot detach our devotion to God from our affections towards others (pp. 77-8). A key for moving away from individual-based spirituality lies in the realisation that we are not alone in this spiritual journey, and that as individual Christians that we must rely on others to help us, given our own weaknesses and blind spots (p. 80). Scorgie and Reimer quote the work of David Benner, whose book Spiritual Companions identifies people who not only provide pastoral care, but are also spiritual directors, spiritual mentors and spiritual friends (p. 81). Undergirding the idea of a spiritual community is the foundational work that such a community has on individuals, building them up in spiritual truths through elements such as Bible study and biblical preaching.


Christian spirituality is relational in nature and we need fellow believers to give us a helping hand in times of need.

Temperaments & Christian Spirituality


Robert Solomon, in Chapter 29 of the Dictionary of Christian Spirituality (2011), discusses the study of Christian spirituality in context. Solomon argues that spirituality can be examined from three dimensions - personality and life stages, culture and society (p. 205). Solomon observes that the personality and life stage approach considers that an individual’s brand of spirituality is determinant on his or her personality type and life stage (p. 206). Robert Mulholland (2016) takes this concept further and comments that just as psychology should not be used as a substitute for spirituality, neither should spirituality replace psychology (p. 56). He elaborates by stating that spiritual formation should not be seen as the panacea for all the worries encountered by a Christian; and that should there be any psychological issues, that these issues should be resolved through psychological means.

Mulholland considers the impact of personality on spirituality by studying the four essential preferences as identified by Carl Jung, namely extraversion and introversion, sensing and intuition, thinking and feeling, judgement and perception. Mulholland notes that for each set of choices, individuals generally prefer one of the pair, and this then shapes their overall personality, and constitutes an individual’s “creation gifts” (p. 61-3). In making preferences, Mulholland suggests that individuals tend to choose spiritual practices that appear more suited to their personalities; for instance thinking persons could be more “theological, analytical and structured”, while perception-oriented persons could adopt a brand of spirituality that is more unplanned and unstructured (p. 70). This “one-sided” approach towards spirituality could lead towards spiritual disintegration, and Mulholland suggests that despite one’s preferences in personality, that it would be prudent to still adopt a balanced approach towards the pursuit of spirituality.


What are our "creation gifts"? What makes us who we are?
Christian Spirituality and Missions

The biblical mandate for missions can first be found in Genesis 1:26, when God gave man dominion over all the creatures of the earth. The call to missions was again mentioned in Matthew 28:18-20, when Jesus charged His followers to make disciples of all nations, baptising them in the name of God. These traditional verses have been used as the basis of missions, to spread the Word of God to all the peoples of the earth.

Kraft (2000) notes that the mission of the church is to “introduce people to Christ”, to “make them aware of God’s purposes for all human beings”, and to “assist them in responsibly becoming bearers of His good news”. She observes that the church must meet felt needs when communicating about the Gospel to the unreached peoples; and that felt needs must be met in order for spiritual growth to occur.

Gallagher (2012), in analysing the role of spirituality and mission from various Protestant missiological works from 1940 to 2000, noted that there were three major themes in these writings, that of Bible study, worship and prayer, and the role of these three elements in missions. Gallagher noted that the missiological works did not focus much on Bible study, but they did mention that as people studied the Bible, that the Holy Spirit would show them that the Scripture is a missionary book. People would then realise their “responsibility to witness both locally and globally - in proclamation and social activism”. Regarding worship, it was seen as an important aspect of missions, with the heart of worship coming from the “adoration and worship of Jesus”, which stems from an “inner personal communion with our Lord”. As for prayer, Gallagher noted that the missiological works did not emphasise much on this, with only some writings calling on the importance of prayer as the “most important thing Christians can do for God’s mission”. This was as our communion with God shapes our communication with people.

Missionaries always describe the “call” as the reason for their entrance into the mission field. Consider the case of William Carey, who founded the first Protestant mission in the non-English-speaking world. Barlow (1976) writes that it was in a small English town that Carey first heard the call while reading the Last Voyage of Captain Cook. Last Voyage of Captain Cook. Barlow observes that to many, the book was a “thrilling story of adventure”. But to Carey, it was a “revelation of human need”. The young English cobbler then began to read every book on the subject. He then became more and more convinced that “"the peoples of the world need Christ." Finally Carey uttered the words that Isaiah once cried out, "Here am I; send me!” Thus began a difficult journey to the mission field; but it also became a voyage that would change the course of many lives in India.


What is our "call"? How will we answer the call of God?

The second part of this paper will 
elaborate on how each of the three aspects mentioned above - the role of the community, the role of temperaments and the role of missions - have shaped my understanding of parenting. You can read the paper here.


References

Barlow, F. (1976). William Carey: Missionary-Evangelist. In Barlow, F. Profiles in Evangelism. Murfreesboro, TN: Sword of the Lord Publishers. Retrieved from http://www.wholesomewords.org/missions/bcarey1.html.


Chapman, G. & Campbell, R. (2012) The 5 Love Languages of Children. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.


Gallagher, R. L. (2012). Mission from the Inside Out: An Analysis of the Role of Spirituality and Mission from Selected Protestant Missiological “Writings” from 1940-2000. Retrieved from http://www.wheaton.edu/~/media/Files/Graduate-School/Degrees/Intercultural-Studies/Gallagher-homepage/Articles/Mission_From_Inside_Out.pdf.


Kraft, M. (2000). Spiritual Conflict and the Mission of the Church: Contextualization. Nairobi: Lausanne Movement. Retrieved from https://www.lausanne.org/content/contextualization.


Lang, D. (2016a). Lecture: Communal/Social/Familial Aspect of Spirituality.


Lang, D. (2016b). Lecture: Missions/Evangelism & Spirituality.


Ma, W. & Ross, K. R. (Eds.) (2013). Mission Spirituality and Authentic Discipleship. Regnum Edinburgh Centenary Series, 14. Retrieved from http://www.ocms.ac.uk/regnum/downloads/Mission_Spirituality_and_Authentic_Discipleship-final-WM.pdf.


Mulholland Jr., M. R. (2016). Invitation to a Journey: A Road Map for Spiritual Formation. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.


Scorgie, G. C. & Reimer, K. S. (2011). Spirituality in Community. In Scorgie, G. G., Chan, S., Smith, G. T. & Smith III, J. D. (Eds.). Dictionary of Christian Spirituality. (77-83). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.


Sittser, G. L. (2007). Water from a Deep Well. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press.


Solomon, R. (2011). Contextual Spirituality. In Scorgie, G. G., Chan, S., Smith, G. T. & Smith III, J. D. (Eds.). Dictionary of Christian Spirituality. (205-10). Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

Comments

  1. It is a well-written execution of thoughts. Spirituality is important for parenting.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You have shared a awesome blog, keep it up, And i want to more that like info. Thanks for distribute...
    My Gym Singapore

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Malacca with the Kids: March 2015

Malacca has always been our go-to place for a short getaway. Most of the time, it's been without the kids. We love soaking in the ambience of Jonker Street and strolling by the river. Of course, the food never fails to draw us back to this laidback town with its sleepy atmosphere. The facade of Malacca has, however, changed over the years. Imposing mega malls loom over two-storey shophouses. I would probably have not brought the boys along as the streets are narrow and traffic seemingly never ebbing, but when I googled "Malacca for Kids" this time round, there were quite a few options for the kids to enjoy. Of course, the main reason why we decided to go was because we were attending my dearest  cousin's wedding dinner. This brings back memories of how my cousins and I used to hang around at Chinese restaurants. We would be so thrilled to be on an actual stage... And our choice of accommodation was largely influenced by the water play area which our hot

Setting Up a Finnish School in the Home

The issue of private tuition has again come to the forefront after a senior education official pronounced in parliament that the Singapore education system is "run on the basis that tuition is not necessary". Ms Indranee Rajah, Senior Minister of State for Education, added that schools provide "comprehensive levelling-up programmes" as well as remedial and supplementary classes to support weaker students. In the days that followed, mainstream and social media agencies were abuzz with reports from parents and students alike, many of whom disagreed with Ms Indranee's assessment of the education scene. They argued that private tuition is already a multi-million dollar industry, and that its very existence disputes notions that tuition is unnecessary. From the perspective of an educator in Singapore, I can understand the comments made by the Senior Minister of State, especially since it is the responsibility of the Education Ministry to teach our school childre

"Monkeying Around": A Review of My Gym Singapore

Our 2/1/2-year old son E has always been an active child. When he was an infant, E would crawl around and get into all sorts of mischief, until one day when he discovered that he could climb on  his poor Daddy, in an inspired moment of pretend play - Daddy was his mountain and he was Sir Edmund Hilary - the first person to scale Mt Everest! It was therefore with great excitement that we we heard that Parenting on Purpose had been invited by My Gym Singapore  to participate in a series of four classes. We agreed at once; knowing that our little boy would thoroughly enjoy gym class - this was also a chance for our exuberant toddler to work off his energy and hopefully fall fast asleep after getting home. Our little son having a swing of a time at gym class.  My Gym  has an interesting educational philosophy that emphasises building self esteem in children. This is an excerpt from the company's website: The philosophy that guides My Gym’s programming and breakdown for clas

Schooling for Gold: a Parent Reflects on Singapore's First Olympic Gold Medallist

50.39 seconds. The (less than) one minute of time that made history for the small island nation of Singapore. Millions in Singapore and around the world watched as 21-year-old Joseph Schooling defeated his long-time idol and heavily-decorated Olympian Michael Phelps, the man described as "the most-decorated Olympian of all time". Indeed most of the international news footage had been previously focussed on Phelps, given that the American is expected to retire at this year's Rio Olympics. The New York Times even ran an article with the headline: " Somebody (His Name’s Joseph Schooling) Finally Beats Michael Phelps"! For Joseph Schooling, it could not have been a prouder moment, as he not only bagged Singapore's first and only Olympic Gold, it was also a race that proved he had not only matched, but also beaten his childhood idol. Indeed a 2008 photograph of 13-year-old Schooling standing side by side with Michael Phelps has been spreading like wildfire o

Hong Kong for Kids: Our Dorsett Wanchai Experience

It was only a few months back when we had our lovely holiday experience in Hong Kong. We had then stayed in the Cosmopolitan Hotel, a lovely place located at the northern tip of Hong Kong island, near the world-famous Ocean Park. Most people have asked us why we chose Hong Kong as a destination for our kids given the island's reputation as more of a food and shopping paradise. We shared with them that there is actually more than meets the eye to this territory known affectionately as the "Pearl of the Orient".  The view from Stanley, one of our favourite spots in the beautiful city of Hong Kong. Rooms in Hong Kong are small, and we had a hard time looking for a place to stay that could meet the needs of our two very energetic children. We settled for the Cosmopolitan Hotel, given that it was one of the few hotels that had affordable prices for its Family Quad Room, a large room that could accommodate all four of us comfortably. We were pleasantly surprised when we r

A Safe Space: Adventures in Fostering

Fostering challenges traditional notions of what a family is and what a family should be. At the end of the day, what is your idea of "family"? The younger child seemed a little troubled during bedtime. "Mummy..." he said. "Yes Darling," replied Mummy. "It will be very sad when R has to go home to the tummy mummy and daddy one day."  "Yes, Darling. It will be very sad." "But it's all up to God, right?" "Yes it is. You know that R's tummy mummy and daddy can't take care of any child right now? That's why R is with us." "Yes I know. R is with us just for awhile. Not like Kor Kor and I. The four of us are a forever family." "Yes we are. So how will you feel when R goes back to the tummy mummy and daddy?" "It will be sad, but it will be all right." The older child, who was a silent participant in the conversation, decided to speak at th

The Father I Will Never Be

We recently went on a holiday to Fraser's Hill, one of the less-visited places in Malaysia. For Sue and I, this is a place that is filled with memories. It was, for her, a childhood oasis, a place where her family would visit year after year, and build many precious memories together. It was, for me, a special place where I visited with a band of dear brothers during our university days, and where we set a stake in the ground, to declare that we wanted to surrender all of our days to the glory of God. It was, for Sue and I, the location of our honeymoon, the place where we enjoyed our first few days of marital bliss; the place where we chiselled our marriage covenant and planned for our future as one.  This is how I remember Fraser's Hill. Shrouded in mist and somewhat mysterious; a grand legacy of days gone by. I remember my first visit there as a single young man, not yet a quarter of a century old, but yet imbued with the desire to be the best father I could be sho

The Insecurities of a Homeschooling Dad

Social media can be very deceiving. We scroll through the news feeds of people we know (or of celebrity bloggers and content experts), and assume that they are living perfect lives. With every holiday photo they post, every food picture presented, or every insightful article they write, we slip into social media envy and  assume that our friends are enjoying the time of their lives. And many people assume that of me as well. They seem to think that I am living the dream life with a wonderful job and wonderful kids. And when I meet people at my various engagements, I seem to get the nod that I am the model citizen of social media society.  A recent holiday in Disneyland. After long queues under the hot sun, we were quite the "model" family! There is some truth to this. At this moment, I can say that there is no other job I would rather do; to be my own boss and to conduct training workshops for others, sometimes with my wife; what more could a man ask for? And my kids? T

Parenting Your Child for Marriage

It's not often that the Father of the Bride gets to speak at a wedding. Oftentimes, the only words are in response to the question, "Who presents this woman to be married to this man?" In that instance, it is normally a mild-mannered man, one who shuns the attention of the moment, who barely manages to whisper out the refrain, "I do."  A precious photo of a very special couple.  This was completely not what happened at a wedding I was at almost three weeks ago. In response to that question, the Father of the Bride seemed to have an entire speech prepared for the Groom, "I present to you the key to my daughter's heart, " he declared. "I have protected her heart all her life until this point, and now I am handing over this responsibility to you." And with a firm voice, he presented this solemn reminder: "Remember that you will not be able to do this on your own, but only with God's help, and by spending time with Him daily.&

Running the Race of Shame

Every muscle in my body protested. Every inner voice in my being screamed from the recesses within. "Don't do it!" they yelled.   "You will make a fool of yourself!" they taunted. "Why are you so stupid? Why do you want to prove to the whole world how stupid you are?" "You know that you are a colossal failure. Now you want everyone in the world to see what a loser you are?" It was deafening deep within. But I did what I could to ignore the deep shame and hurt that I felt from within. The voices of shame can be deafening even in the presence of an external quietness. "The next event will be the Parents' Race. Will  Mark Lim please proceed to the reporting area?" This was it. There would be no turning back now.  So I dragged myself to the starting line, and mingled with the other homeschool dads who all looked eager to race. "I haven't done any running since I was in National Service," I remark